The Final Straw
by JP Buckner
ajaff@poky.srv.net
http://onewest.net/~ajaff/manff.htm

Stand by for disclaimer

wait for it...

Ranma 1/2 doesn't belong to me. Rumiko Takahashi created it. I had
 nothing to do with it. I wish I had.

That is the end of the disclaimer. We now join our regularly scheduled
 fanfic already in progress.


It is morning, and I am beginning to waken. I am not quite sure if I want
to be awake right now. I am afraid of what I will see when I open
my eyes. I am afraid it will be the same thing I've been looking at the
last few days. I am hoping it was just a dream, just a nightmare.  I
hope I would wake up and everything would be normal again. But each
day that I awake to this place, that hope dies just a little more.

I know I can't wait forever, eventually I will have to face what lay out
before me. So I begin to stretch my arms, and slowly I begin to
open my eyes.

Damn. I am still here. In this prison.

Oh, it certainly isn't an ordinary prison. It is lush and green and
pleasant and peaceful. But it is still a prison, of which I am its
captive. For the life of me, I have no idea how I got here.

I look around, and see it is a beautiful morning. The sun is just
coming out. I can see the reflection of the sun on the pond,  filled
with water. Cold water. Why can't there be any hot water anywhere in
this place?

I hear a noise above me, the sound of a throat clearing. I look up,
and above me, I see him, behind some kind of a railing. The railing is
too high for me to reach or even jump to (yes, I've tried that, to no
avail). He is watching me. Finally, he is here, he has come to help me,
to free me from my bondage. I know I can count on him, as I have been able
to count on him for much of my life.

Then I notice his eyes. His eyes, watching me, not with the joy of seeing
me again, but with sadness. There is almost a tinge of melancholy to his
look. I need to ask so many questions of him, but this is no longer an
option. All forms of communication have been taken away from me, more
than likely by whomever put me here.

Finally he speaks.

"Saotome, it saddens my heart to see you here like this. But there is
no other way. I am sorry for doing this to you, I hope in time you can
forgive me."

What? HE did this to me? He's the one who put me here? He's the one who
has done this? This must be some kind of a bad joke! He would never do
such a thing to me! Never! I shake my head in disbelief, and anger begins
to fill me. I try harder than I have tried before to jump, to reach up
to the railing. I try so hard to gain my freedom, to reach my jailer,
my friend.

But alas, I cannot. For some reason, I cannot make a leap I could make
in my sleep before,

"It is of no use, Saotome, this is your home from now on. It's time you
got used to the fact. It's your own fault. You just couldn't leave well
enough alone, could you? Finally, what we were trying so hard to make
happen was coming to pass, and you had to let your own foolishness,
your own stubbornness get in the way," the tears begin to swell in his
eyes, a sight I am used to seeing. It is sad to see this fine man, my
friend, come apart so easily and so often.

As he tries to hold his tears he continues, "You became a liability,
so I had to do something. I had to keep you from breaking apart what we
had built. I know you don't understand, but maybe if I refresh your memory
of what happened that day, the last day before I brought you here, maybe,
just maybe you will understand."

As he starts to recount the events of that day, I begin to remember
it. And between his words and my memories, it is becoming very clear...

*******************************************

"So, Saotome, counter that move, if you can!"

It was a typical day at the Tendo home. No, actually it was fairly quiet.
No odd challengers, no assorted fiancees, no splashes of cold water
coming out of who knows where, no yelling between Ranma and Akane.
In fact it seemed like a normal day for anywhere except the Tendo home.
Which made it anything but typical for this place.

Soun and Genma were hard at 'work' involved in yet another of one in a
countless games of shoji. Soun seemed to have the upper hand at the
moment, but with these two playing, that could change at any moment.
Kasumi was busy in the kitchen, humming to herself, although the rest
of the family found the tune quite relaxing. Nabiki was watching TV,
catching up on the latest stock market reports. Akane was doing her
homework, trying to get a handle on her English lesson.

"There, their, they're. Arrgh, which one is the contraction again?
This is too confusing, I'll never get them straight!"

Nabiki shook her head and responded, "Honestly sis, it's not that
difficult. I don't know why so many people have problems with this.
Just wait, Akane, until you get to possessives and plurals. Now that's
confusing!"

"Grr, why do we have to learn such a weird language anyways? English
is just so... so confusing! Why can't it be easy, like Japanese?"

Nabiki had to chuckle to herself on that, "Akane, I'm sure Japanese
is just as confusing for English speaking people as English is for
us. Why do you think so few of them can speak Japanese, even just a
little?"

Akane looked down at her book and fumed. "Whatever. Where did that
baka run off to right after school? We have the same schoolwork,
and even though he doesn't pay much attention in class, it would be
nice to have someone to work with on this lesson. At the very least,
I'd just feel better knowing I'm not near as stupid as he is."

All of a sudden Genma's voice rang out, "Master, you've returned! I
can't say how good it is to see you once again!"

Everyone turned towards the voice, ready to see the aged pervert back
to make everyone's life miserable. But Happosai was nowhere to be seen.
Instead the sisters where treated to a sight of their father frantically
looking around for his master. Mr. Saotome sat at the shoji board, a
contented smile on his face.

Genma spoke up, "Oh, my mistake Tendo. I thought I saw him. Anyways,
your move."

Soun returned his focus to the board and turned white as a sheet. Once
again his old friend had gotten the better of him, and try as he might,
he couldn't get mad at him for it. After all, it was part of the game.
Anything Goes applies to more than martial arts as far as the Tendo
and Saotome clans are concerned.

At this point the front door opened and he walked in. Yes, he was a
'he' at this time, dry as a bone and wearing his normal red Chinese
shirt and black pants. He had an odd look on his face, a bit nervous,
with a tinge of anticipation.

"About time you got back, Ranma, just where have you been?
You haven't been nuzzling with that Chinese bimbo again, have you?".
Akane was just a little irate, and was waiting for him to respond,
probably with some lame excuse like always.

Everyone waited for Ranma's reply, worrying that he'd say something
stupid that would either land him in the koi pond or subject him to a
malleting. Or both.

"Ah, gee Akane. Well, uhh.."

"Come on, Ranma, what do you have to say for yourself this time?"

"Akane, I'd like to... err...  I wanna...geesh! Man, why can't I.... 
Akane, we need to talk. In private." As Ranma said this, his eyes
glanced over towards Nabiki.

"Gee, Ranma, why ever are you looking at me? Don't tell me you want
to be engaged to me again?", Nabiki chided, just loving any opportunity
to get Ranma's goat.

Ranma's face flushed. "Uhh...no, Nabiki. This is just private, ya know,
between Akane 'n me. I don't want to share with the rest of the family
right now. Especially one who might try to find some profit outta it."

"Moi?", Nabiki respond in mock disdain. "Would *I* do something like
that to you? I mean you're practically family and all."

Ranma did not answer, instead he returned his gaze to Akane. "Please
Akane, this is somethin' we need to talk 'bout."

Akane seemed stunned. "Okaay, Ranma." she eventually answered,  "Let's
head up to the roof, shall we. We should be safe," Akane paused and
gave Nabiki a hard look, "from eavesdroppers up there."

Ranma nodded and together he and Akane went into the yard. There Ranma
grabbed hold of Akane,  and made a leap up towards the roof.

Nabiki smiled to herself, "Idiots. As if I don't have THAT covered."
At which point she went to the TV and ran her fingers underneath it until
she found a switch. When she flipped it, the video on the TV was gone,
but the audio.....

"Nothing like a few carefully concealed microphones to get the job
done." Nabiki seemed real pleased with herself.

"So, Ranma, what is it you want to talk about?"

Hearing Akane's voice come out over the television set stunned Soun.
He looked at his middle daughter with new appreciation.

"Oh, this is so wonderful! My daughter is so smart and so ingenious.
If only your dear mother were here now..."

"Daddy, shush!"

"Well, gee, Akane. Well, I..."

"Ranma, you dragged me up here to tell me something! Are you going
to say it or what!"

Nabiki was stunned from the strength of Akane's voice. "Akane, do you
really think yelling at him is going to help?"

"Akane, well.... ahh geesh! I'm no good at sayin' stuff like this. Here,
how 'bout I show you?"

There was a pause as four sets of ears sat by the television, holding
their breaths to hear what would happen next. Nabiki muttered, "I knew
I should have put a miniature camera up there." After a moment, the
silence was broken.

"Ran...Ranma, are you serious? This isn't some kind of perverted
joke or something, is it? You really want to...."

"Yeah, Akane, I really do."

"Me? Not Shampoo, not Ukyo, me?"

Nabiki muttered, "Now I *really* wish I had a camera up there."

"Yeah, Akane, you. It's always been you. I was just too nervous, ya know,
to say anything before. I was afraid of what you might think, me bein' a
pervert and all. I was afraid of how they'd push us if I told you how I
really felt. I was just so....scared. More scared than I've even been in
a battle."

There was another pause where Kasumi broke in, "Finally! They're
finally talking. They're really talking about this to each other. Oh, I'm
so happy for them."

"Ranma, I don't really think you are a pervert. I know I said some mean
things to you. Part of it was jealousy, I think. And part of it was fear. I
know how you feel. I was afraid too. Afraid they'd push us, afraid you'd
laugh in my face if I told you how much I cared for you."

"You care for me? Really? You're not just sayin' that?"

"Yes, Ranma, I do care for you. And I knew deep inside you cared too,
but I was so afraid, so insecure..."

"Insecure, Akane, you? You've always seemed so sure of yourself to me,
and anyways what would you feel so insecure about?"

"Oh, be serious Ranma. I know I'm not as pretty as those other girls.
I'm not as good of a martial artist as they are. I can't even cook.
I'm just a skinny little uncute tomboy. I don't understand why you've
always been there for me, why you choose me over them."

"Akane, I know I've said some mean things to you too. I was just
frustrated over everything that has happened to me. And this girl I
liked insulted and hit me every chance she got. I just... Akane, I acted
like a fool.

"Ranma, I'm sorry about all those..."

"Don't be, Akane, I deserved it. Some of the time, anyways. Maybe
even most of the time. But, man.. what was I saying before...oh yeah.
 
"You're not uncute. You're not in the least bit uncute. In fact, when you
smile, and when you laugh, there ain't any cuter girls out there that I
know of. Present company excluded, of course."

A smile came to Nabiki's lips at this.  It seemed she wasn't the only one
who found it amusing, for Akane began to chuckle. Then Akane replied,
"baka", but she didn't say it in her normal angry tone,  for the word had
a touch of humor to it.

"Akane, so you can't cook, big deal. I mean, it's not like I'm expectin
ya to be a normal, typical Japanese housewife. Let's face it, Akane,
all the girls that seem to get attracted to me are anything but normal,
typical girls. And maybe, in time, if ya work at, with patience and
with Kasumi's help, or even Mom's, you might not be such a bad cook
anymore. And even if that doesn't happen, there's nothin' saying I can't
do most of the cooking'. Ya know, after working with Mom on cooking, it's
kinda fun, I kinda enjoy it. It may not be 'manly' to admit, but yeah, I
kinda like it.

"And as far as your martial arts are concerned, come on Akane, before I
came 'round, you was beatin' 20-30 guys a day, not to mention Kuno.
You're pretty good, Akane, you've just been comparin' yourself against
some pretty tough competition of late.

"But none of that really matters, Akane, none of it. You are cute. When
you smile, when you're nice to me, I feel so great inside. Nothing Shampoo
or Ukyo have ever done can come close to matching that feeling. You're
smart, and you're kind, that is when you're not malleting me to the moon.
And you don't take guff from no one, not me, not your dad, no one. You're
strong, Akane, and I don't mean just physically. You have a strong spirit,
and I think that's what I like most about you."

"But Ranma, how can I be strong? I'm just a girl..."

"Err, sorry 'bout putting down girls as much as I did. It's just that, well,
ya know how Pop is, and all the stuff he's been tellin' me and teachin' me
over the years. I mean, yeah, for a long time I believed that crap. Then I
came here. Then I saw just how great girls can be. The curse probably
helped with that too. I've always known Pop was kinda stupid, seeing
women only as wives and mothers. Not to mention other things he's told
me or done to me over the years. I just didn't realize how stupid he was
about girls till I came here."

Three pairs of eyes turned towards Saotome Genma at this instant. It
wasn't a pretty sight. His face was turning beat red, his eyes growing
larger and if the idea of steam being blown out on one's ears wasn't a
well-worn cliche....

"How dare that boy! After all I've done for him over the years, he treats
me like this?"

"Don't you mean after all you've done TO him, Mr. Saotome?", Nabiki
responded.

Genma seemed ready to burst a blood vessel, and all he could say in
response was a short huff. The four quickly returned their attention to
the scene being played out above them.

"I mean, look at you, and your sisters. Look at Shampoo, and the old
ghoul, and Ukyo, and Mom and even Kodachi. I mean, Ukyo, despite
everything that has been done to her, she is still able to attend
school while running her own business. Heck I'd like to see half the
guys I know try that! And Nabiki, well, she's too smart for my own good."

Nabiki tried, unsuccessfully, to keep a chuckle inside.

"Kasumi, well, she was strong enough to keep your family together after,
well you know. I mean, she was only 9 when it happened, but somehow she
managed to keep your family together. Now if that ain't strength, I
don't know what is."

Kasumi whispered, "Ranma, that is so sweet."

"And Shampoo, well you know as well as I do how strong she is. And
Cologne? She may be older than dirt, but she's a tough fighter, and pretty
sharp too. Kodachi? She may be crazy, no she is most definitely crazy, but
she probably plans better than all the rest of 'em. And Mom? How she
managed to stay in one piece after Pop and me left her, I don't know. Heck
I don't know anyone that Pop is afraid of more than her."

Kasumi couldn't help but start giggling after that remark. Not even a
cold stare from Genma could stop her.

"You're strong, Akane. You're strong in a way Pop can never understand.
And you are definitely not uncute. I know I've said some mean things to you,
and I hope you can forgive me for them. Maybe, just maybe, we can start
again. Umm...hello, I'm Ranma, wanna to be friends?"

"I don't know Ranma, after everything that's happened, I don't think
I want to be friends."

There was a long pause by the TV set as everyone held their breath.

"I want to be your fiancee, if that's what you really want."

The sound of four held breaths being expelled at once reverberated
through the room.

"Well, gosh, Akane, I didn't give ya that JUST to be friends, ya know."

"Oh, Ranma...."

At this point Nabiki went back to the TV, and reflipped the switch,
bringing the financial news back on.

"That's enough. I think we can give them some privacy, does anyone
here disagree with that?"

Kasumi smiled and nodded. The looks on the other two faces told Nabiki
that they wanted to hear more, but neither was willing to cross the
middle Tendo daughter on this one.

The four waited there for a few minutes, eager to confront the two once
they returned from the roof. After what seemed like an eternity,
they saw Ranma and Akane return to the front yard, each transfixed
into the other one's eyes. They were carrying a look of pure joy on
their faces.

Kasumi looked at what was on Akane's finger, "Oh my, Akane! That's
just beautiful."

Ranma and Akane stopped, looked into the house, and noticed the looks
on their families' faces. All of a sudden a blush crossed their faces.

"That's a pretty nice ring, Ranma. So tell me, just how did you afford
that?", Nabiki smirked at her future brother-in-law.

"Well, Nabiki, I've been, well you know, savin' up here and there from
some of the money you've givin me for, well, those sessions I did for
ya from time to time." The flush on Ranma's face turned even redder,
if such a thing was possible. Nabiki wanted to laugh at the sight,
but decided this once she'd keep it to herself.

"Boy, I'm so glad you and Akane finally got together. But some of those
things you said up there....." Genma was glaring at his son, looking just a
little upset.

"Wha.... Man I knew we couldn't count of any privacy with THIS family.
So just how much did you hear?"

"Enough, Ranma." Nabiki replied. "Just be glad I turned off the microphone
just as things were getting, shall I say, interesting?"

When one would think Ranma's and Akane's faces couldn't get anymore red,
they did. Ranma replied, "Uhh, well, it's not like anything embarrassin' or
nothin' like that happened up there, I guess."

Kasumi smiled, "Of course not, Ranma. You are a gentleman, after all.
Right?"

Ranma felt three feet tall under Kasumi's glare, "Uhh, yeah, of course,
Kasumi."

"Enough evading the issue, boy! What's this about calling me stupid?"

Ranma glared over at Genma. "I called you stupid because you are stupid,
old man! It seems every bad thing that has happened in my life has happened
because of your stupidity. Except the stuff that happened because of your
cowardice or your gluttony. And have you every shown any sorrow or
regret for anything you've done to me? No, you act like I should THANK
you for everything you've done.

"You came here, why? Because you were afraid of Mom, and because you 
wanted me to marry one the Tendo daughters. You thought that maybe one
day you would take your grandchild away from us for a decade long training
mission. Or maybe you want me to take my child away from its mother the
same way you took me from Mom? Well, I won't do it, and there is no way
I will let you do to my kids what you did to me. I will not listen to or
abide your antiquated value system about men and women. Spending as much
time as a girl as I have, I know how stupid it is. Akane is not going to
be a normal typical Japanese wife to me. That's not who she is, and that's
not what I want for a wife." 

"Quiet, boy. You utter nonsense. Japanese men and women have been this
way for generations! This is the way it's always been, and it is the way it
is supposed to be. Now quit acting like a girl...."

"That's your answer to everything, ain't it Pop? Everytime I mouth off to
you, I'm acting like a girl. Everytime I question you, I'm acting like a
girl. Everytime I disagree with you on anything, I'm acting like a girl.
Well, Pop, that insult ain't going to work on me anymore. If acting like
a girl means bein' like Akane, or Ukyo, or Mom or any of the other girls
I know, it ain't no insult at all.. 

"Enough, boy! It's obvious to me you've become even more of a girl
than I first thought. You've gone soft, boy, and I know just the thing
to toughen you up again."

"And what's that pop, ya gonna throw me in a pit of starving rabbits?
Maybe you'll sell me for a cheeseburger? I got it, you'll take me back
to China, and throw me in the spring of drowned moron, so I can be just
like you!"

"That's enough out of you! Being around these modern girls have warped
you, Ranma. I'm going to take you on a long training trip, and maybe this
time I'll find some girl who's not so headstrong to engage you to. A man
among men needs a proper Japanese wife, not one of these modern girls,
who seem to act more like a boy than my own son!"

Akane jumped in between Genma and Ranma. "You are NOT taking him
anywhere! After all this time, we've finally managed to talk, I mean
really talk to each other, and Kami help anyone, and I mean ANYONE who
would try to get between us now!"

"You heard her, Pop, I ain't goin'. I'm stayin' here with Akane, and
if you don't like it, maybe you can go find Ryoga and train him to be
your 'man among men'. I hope you don't find him though. I wouldn't want
to even put him through that. Now if you don't want a beating, or perhaps
a malleting, you'll back off."

Genma was about to add more to the 'discussion' when he felt a hand on
his shoulder. He looked over and saw Soun looking at him. "Perhaps
you should calm down for a little bit, Saotome. Then we can all
discuss this calmly."

Genma nodded, "Wise idea, Tendo, I'm going up to my room now, but don't
worry, this conversation is far from over.....boy!" And with that,
Genma turned his back to his son, and headed up the stairs.

Soun walked over to Ranma, "Don't worry, son, everything will work out
just fine, I guarantee it. I just want to say how proud I am to have
such a fine young man join our family."

"Thank you Mr. Tendo..."

"Please, son, call me Father."

Thank you," Ranma paused for a second, "Father. You should know, Akane
'n me, we want to wait 'til we finish school before we, you know, get
married and all."

"Are you sure, son? I could have the ceremony arranged in no time..."

"Daddy!!"  Akane reared up in full Demon-Head mode. Soun wasn't sure
if he was frightened by Akane's outburst or proud of her mastering his
technique.  Akane continued, "Ranma and I will get married when WE say
so. Do you have a problem with that?"

Soun cowered down. His daughter had mastered the technique very well.
"Okay, Akane, if this is what the both of you want, you have my support.
Now, what are you going to do about those other girls?"

Ranma looked over to Akane, and when their eyes met, they both smiled.
He turned back to Soun and replied, "We have some ideas on that. We're
gonna talk some more about it before doin' anything that could make
things worse. If everybody could keep quiet 'bout this while we work
this out, that would be great."

At this point, every head in the room turned towards Nabiki, "Okay,
okay, I get the point. Nobody will hear about this from me, you have
my word."

Soun nodded, "Good, now that that is taken care of, I have some business
elsewhere. I should be back soon. Kasumi dear, make sure the two of
them behave themselves. They're not married yet, you know."

That received a slight chuckle from Nabiki, more red faces from Ranma
and Akane, while Kasumi just smiled and said, "Yes, father, I'll make
sure they behave themselves. Ranma, since you said you enjoy cooking
so much, why don't you come and help me in the kitchen?"

On his way out of the house, Soun watched as Ranma joined Kasumi in the
kitchen, while Nabiki just sat back and watched Akane admire her ring.

**********************************************

I look back up at the man behind the railing. I look at the man who
was my oldest, dearest friend. He pauses for a moment, then picks up
the story.

"After I left the house, I headed to the Nekohanten. There I had a long
discussion with Mousse, the one person I knew that wanted Ranma and
Akane together as much as I did."

"Together we headed back towards my home. It was easy to slip you a
sleeping potion. Your gluttony, Saotome, has often been your undoing.
Then we dragged you away, and brought you here, stopping for a quick
toss into some cold water along the way. You don't realize how heavy 
you are in your panda form, Saotome. I'm just glad we waited until we
were almost here."

Soun glances down at me and a look of sadness once again crosses his
face. "Old friend, you are just too headstrong, too traditional
sometimes for your own good. After all that time we spent to get our
children together, you were ready to let your foolish notions and your
pride get in the way.

"My daughters mean everything to me, Saotome, everything. After their
mother died, I vowed that I would let nothing or nobody hurt them.
They mean more to me than my dojo, more than my pride, more than my
friend. Sometimes I don't always show it, but I would do anything for them.

"And you, you were ready to hurt my baby girl, hurt my Akane. You were
about to take the man, and he is a man, Saotome, maybe the finest young
man I've ever met. You were going to take the man she loves away from
her. I could not allow that. I had to make sure you would never come
between Ranma and Akane, ever.

"This zoo, Saotome, is far from Nerima. Chances of anyone you know
finding you by chance are slim. And would they even recognize you if
they did come here? No, you won't get any help from that front. Only
Mousse and I know of your presence here, and neither one of us will
tell another soul.

"After I returned home, I forged a note from you, saying you were
leaving for good by yourself because you were so disappointed in your
son. In time, you will be just a distant memory in their lives. When
we presented you to this zoo, we made sure that you would have no
access to hot water. We told them you had an allergic reaction to hot
water, and with pandas being an endangered species and all, they won't
be talking any chances.

"We also used the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion on you. Fortunately,
Mousse was able to find some notes about the technique among Cologne's 
things. That will insure that you are unable to escape this zoo.

"I'm sorry about this, old friend, but I saw no other way. You are
just too headstrong to risk the chance of you saying something or
doing something to ruin my daughters life. 

"It's time I left now, the zoo will be opening to the public shortly.
I want to sneak out the way I came in before anyone catches me here.
I will try to come and visit you when I can, Saotome. Despite all this,
I still consider you my friend. I hope in time you will understand what
I have done. Good bye, and I hope you have a good life here."

I could see the sadness on his face. I see the tears as they rolled own
his cheeks, past his mustache and finally fall to the ground. Then he
turns away and leaves.

I am not sure how to feel. Part of me is furious. I am mad that he could do
this to me, his oldest friend. I am furious for taking me away from my son,
who've I devoted the last part of my life to. I am enraged that I will never
see my son again, never see my grandchildren, never even be a human being
again.

But yet, do I have myself to blame? Is it my own foolishness that got me in
this mess? Ranma has been blaming me for so much for so long, could I really
be at fault?

Nah.

I look out over my prison, this zoo. The grass in my exhibit, the panda
exhibit is green and lush. I can feel the mist coming off the pond,
as a small waterfall splashes into it. For a prison, this is rather
nice. I get fed on a regular basis, I can just lounge around and do
nothing most of the day, and the people who come to watch me are happy.
No money woes, no stress. Perhaps, perhaps this won't be such a bad
life after all.

After all, it could be worse.

***********************************************************

Two of the zookeepers, ready to open the zoo for the public, begin to
talk about their newest arrival.

"You know, that new panda has seemed to settle in very well. I'm amazed.
I was a little concerned when he was donated to us from someone off the
street. A pet, the man said. I mean, come on who heard of such a thing."

His companion nods and adds, "I know, I was worried too. Animals don't
always adapt to zoo life as quickly as he has. You know, maybe we should
introduce him to Ming Ming now. I know it's ahead of schedule, but he
really has adapted awful fast."

This receives a smile, "Yeah, it's worth a shot, right? Wouldn't it be
great if they managed to get along well? Is it too much to hope that
we could add some more pandas to our exhibit?"

"Perhaps I can help?"

The zookeepers look down to where the voice came from. They see
a short old man smoking a pipe.

"Hmm, Tendo's a fool if he thought he could do this without my knowing
it. But Genma's a bigger fool for falling for it. I have no need for such a
fool."

One of the zookeepers pipes up, "Hmm, sir, the zoo's not open yet. Who
are you?"

"My name's not important, sonny boy. What is important is what I have for
you." As he speaks, the old man pulls a container of some sort out of
nowhere and hands it to the zookeepers.

"Just what is this stuff?"

The old man chuckles, "This is very special stuff. It will help you with your
panda breeding program, I guarantee it! Just give them a little of the stuff,
and sit back and watch the fireworks!

"And now Ranma-chan must be missing her father. She, and sweet Akane
must need consoling. Don't worry, my little Ranma-chan, Happi's coming
for you!" And with this the old man quickly bounds off.

The zookeepers look down at the container, and notice a piece of paper
attached to it. 

"Look," one says, "instructions for its use. Seems simple enough."

The other keeper looks at the note, "Passion Spice? It's called Passion
Spice? It's a joke, right?"

His companion shrugs his shoulders.

"Maybe. But it couldn't hurt to try."


Original draft written 8/26/00
Latest revision written 9/23/00