As I Lay Crying
by JP Buckner
ajaff@poky.srv.net
http://onewest.net/~ajaff/manff.htm

Ranma 1/2 and its characters are the property of people other than
me. Rumiko Takahashi created these wonderful individuals. Not me.

Chapter One

I am so sad. I am so sad that I feel the uncontrollable tears as they run down
my face.

I am a vessel of guilt and shame. For I am a murderer. My victim lays before
me. Her body is sprawled, unmoving, stuck in a frightening pose. I do not need
to go to her, to check to see if she is still alive. No one could survive that fall.
Not even her.
 
I am a murderer. True, I did not push her. I did not fire a bullet into her brain.
I did not poison her. But still I am a murderer.

I am on my knees, as I feel the tears burn down my face. I dare not raise my
head. I cannot look into the faces of those around me, my co-conspirators.
All I can do is look down at the pavement where she lies. All I can do is beg
forgiveness from whomever would be willing to grant it to me.

I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I don't want to move, but still I raise my head
to look at who might try to comfort me. I do not wish comfort. Still, I look up.

"Sugar, what happened? Why did...,"

I hear Ukyo's words, but I cannot answer. I glance into her eyes, but at the
same time I want to look away. She is the one person here who doesn't know.
She wasn't here yesterday, she hasn't heard about what happened this
weekend. I am afraid to tell her, for she will hate me. Not that I don't deserve
it. Still, she is a kind soul. I like her, even after everything that has happened
between us. I do not wish to cause her more pain.

Eventually, I can feel some words becoming ready to be said. My mouth is
waiting, waiting for the words to catch up to it.

"Ukyo, she.....she... It's all my fault, it's all my fault. I'm so sorry, please forgive
me."

"It's not all your fault, you know. There's plenty of blame to go around."

I look up and see the face behind this voice, a face I know too well. I can see
the guilt in her eyes, the same guilt I feel in my soul, I shake my head, telling
her no.

"Nabiki, no, it was me. If only I hadn't...."

"Don't do this to yourself!" Nabiki's words carry a passion I so rarely hear from
her. "You can beat yourself up from now till the day you die, and what will that accomplish? Yes, you made some mistakes. We all did. But none of us
expected this to happen. None of us wanted this to happen.":

"But I killed her!"

"No, she's still alive. I checked her pulse, it's faint, but it's still there. She's still
alive."

Those words shock me, how can she still be alive, after that? I look over to
her, and look for any sign of live, any sign at all. I see her chest move, a slow,
faint, but visible sign. She is breathing. How in Kami-sama's name she still lives,
I don't know, but she's breathing She's breathing! 

I look up from the pavement to my friends. My classmates. My accomplices. I
see the same look I see in Nabiki. Guilt.

For a few moments, no word is spoken. The courtyard here at Furinkan High
is still. If a pin surely was to drop, it would be heard. Everyone is waiting.
Everyone is hoping.

Eventually, they come. The ambulance comes and they get out. The paramedics
come over to her, and one leans down to examine her. While he checks her for
life signs, he asks us, "What happened here?"

I am about to say something, but Nabiki speaks before I can answer.

"She jumped. From up there."

And she points to where she jumped from . She points to the highest point on
the building that is Furinken High, just above the clock.

The paramedic that isn't examining her asks, "She can't be alive after a jump like
that? Onto concrete?" Part of me wanted to add, 'You don't know the half of
it', but they wouldn't believe that part.

"She's still alive. Barely, but she's still alive. I honestly can't say how long she'll
last," answered the paramedic attending her. He looked up at us and asked one
more question. 

"What's her name?"

I know I must answer this question. And I do.

"Ranma. Saotome Ranma."

He nods and asks me, "Are you a friend of hers? A relative?"

How do I answer that question? I can't tell him 'she' was my fiancee. Once. So
I answer the best I can.

"She and her father are living with my family at the moment. My name's Tendo
Akane. And this,"  I point off to my side, "is my sister, Nabiki."

He nods once more, and quickly asks his partner for aid in getting Ranma into
the ambulance. It's not easy, they have to be very careful with her, considering
how many bones she must have broken in her fall, no, her leap.

After loading Ranma in the back of ambulance, the paramedic told me. "We'll
be taking her to Nerima General. You may want to get hold of her father and
any other family she has. And as quickly as possible." After which the
ambulance left.

He did not need to say why. It was in his eyes. It was only a matter of time.
Ranma somehow survived the fall, but that did not mean she was going to last
much longer.

Nabiki's hands come into mine. She starts to guide me to my feet. I am in no
condition to fight her. She raises my face so I could look into her eyes. I can
see I wasn't the only Tendo crying.

"Akane, I'm going to call home. I'll let Daddy and Kasumi and Mr. Saotome
know what's going on  I want you to go to the hospital now. Do you think you
can make it there okay?"

I'm not too sure I can make it five feet down the sidewalk, let alone all the way
to Nerima General. I am about to say so when I hear Ukyo speak up.

"I'll make sure she makes it fine, Nabiki. Just leave her to me."

Nabiki give us a nod, then leaves, heading towards the nearest phone. Ukyo
begins to guide me towards the street, I think it is the street, I feel pretty much
out of it right now.

After what seemes to be an eternity, I feel Ukyo nudging me. I look up, and see
a cab in front of me. I slowly enter the taxi, I can't even see the driver, or the
color of the interior of the cab for that matter. All I can see is Ranma laying
there, a broken shell of the person she, no he, once was.

I don't even notice the cab ride, for before I know it, I am in the hospital. I am
in what seems to be the main waiting room. There are plenty of people here, I
don't really notice any details about them. Just the general feeling of concern
and hope and in a few cases sadness and grief.

I know the feeling.

I take a seat and Ukyo sits down next to me. Neither one of us had spoken a
word the entire trip here. But I knew Ukyo would ask, in time.

"Akane, honey, why did Ranma jump?"

That was the question I knew to expect, and the question I dread to answer.
But Ukyo deserves to know. I begin a big breath, and try to steady my nerves.
This isn't going to be easy.

"Ukyo, well, you've been gone these last few days?"

"Yes. I was," a long pause hit the air before Ukyo continues, "visiting my
family. I had some things to talk to them about."

I feel my head nod in assent. I know she had hoped to convince her father to
allow her to live as a girl again. From the look of the boys Furinkan uniform
she was wearing, she did not succeed.

I start to prepare to tell her the story, the whole story. Everything that I knew
first hand, plus what I managed to pick up later from everyone else.

"Yes, well, it started the other day. Some of us went to the beach..."

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